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More House Rules According to the Ridgebacks !  
1. The Ridgeback is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the Ridgeback is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The Ridgeback is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The Ridgeback can get on the old furniture only.
5.  Fine, the Ridgeback is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. Okay, the Ridgeback is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The Ridgeback can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The Ridgeback can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
9. The Ridgeback can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the Ridgeback.

Basic House Rules for Dogs--Compilated by Louise 

  1. If you have to throw up, get into a chair, QUICKLY! If you can't manage that in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, any good rug will do.
  2. ALWAYS accompany guests to the bathroom. It's not necessary to do anything; just sit and stare.
  3. Do not allow closed doors in ANY room. To get a door opened, stand on your hind legs and hammer with your forepaws.
  4. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled with food.
  5. Once a door is opened, it's not necessary to use it. After you've ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and halfway out and think about several things. It's particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.
  6. Begin people training early. You'll then have a smooth-running household. Humans need to know the basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.

 

 

Top 10 Reasons to Breed Dogs

10. Thought the house was too orderly
  9. Never did like having a full nights sleep
  8. Wanted my Vet to get a new BMW
  7. Thought the furniture looked too nice
  6. Love the sounds of puppies in the morning, noon, afternoon, evening, midnight, pre-dawn, etc.
  5. Garden and backyard needed renovations, and didn't want to pay a gardener.
  4. Neighbors didn't complain enough
  3. Kids weren't enough of a challenge
  2. If you can train & show one dog, why not ten
  1. Wanted to see if spouse really meant those vows

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dog Show Terms Explained!

 

brown squareAngulation-Degree to which dog handlers will bend over backwards to impress judges. blue ribbon

brown squareBalance-
clear icon(a) How to arrange the checkbook so your husband won't know how much money you spent
clear iconon dog shows last month. Usually done in the bathroom with the door locked;
clear icon(b) Ability to hold coffee, danish, leash, treats and entry form all at once.

brown squareBitch-
clear icon(a) Name for a lady dog;
clear icon(b) Name often heard at dog shows, not always to describe a lady dog.

brown squareBlind Retrieve-When you can't see the toy under the furniture.

brown squareCGC-Canine Gastrointestinal Catastrophe {aka GAS}

brown squareCoat-The hairy covering of a dog that usually falls out about one week before the Specialty show.

brown squareCrabbing-What you do when the judge doesn't like way your dog moves.

brown squareDam-
clear icon(a) lady dog with children;
clear icon(b) expression frequently overheard at dog shows as losers leave the ring.

brown squareDistemper-Shown by those hot-headed competitors.

brown squareDog-To chase a judge from show to show in an effort to attain more breed wins.

brown squareDouble Bind-Finding two toys under the furniture.

brown squareElbow-Method ribbon iconof getting to ringside when late.

brown squareExpression-"Sweet" look adopted by dogs while staring ravenously at chunks of liver.

brown squareFancier-Degree to which some gentlemen handlers dress more than others.

brown squareFeathering-What winners are accused of doing to judges' nests.

brown squareFlyBall-Neutering.

brown squareForce Fetch-Dog drops the toy under furniture, scratches at the carpet until you're forced to "fetch" it.

brown squareFront-Part of the dog often stacked toward the outside of the ring.

brown squareGuard Hair-An activity in which one watches intently as the dog's hair falls out, in clumps, just after entries are
clear iconmailed.

brown squareHeel-
clear icon(a) what you feel like when your dog beats the one you had just sold to an eager novice;
clear icon(b) expression often screamed to attract the attention of deaf dogs.

brown squareHeight-As in "Maximum Allowed," a measurement which all champions fall under by AT LEAST 1/8 of an inch.

brown squareHock-A way of financing your dog shows by the use of jewelry such as wedding rings.

brown squareKennel-Where you go when the kids fight and your husband yells at you.

brown squareLitter-Trash left all over the building and parking lot after a dog show.

brown squareMask-What to wear when you have to show the pet you sold six months ago. ribbon icon

brown squareMulti-Generational Pedigree-Something you should have read first.

brown squareMuzzle-What to put on your kids at a dog show to prevent them from calling your competition
clear iconwhat they overheard you call him last night.

brown squareNoseprints-Cute marks left all over your French doors.

brown squareOutcrossing-What your husband tells the minister you are doing out in the kennel with the dog and the bitch.

brown squareOvershot-Running so fast as to pass the 1st place ring marker and plow into the judge and the stewards.

brown squarePedigree-Dog food with lots of great coupons.

brown squarePoints-Minute, invisible awards for winning which you cannot convince your spouse are more important than cash prizes.

brown squarePuppies-Small, dog like food-processing machines with the ability to stink up an entire house and collectively deafen a band of magpies. (These creatures have not yet been perfected, as they come with leaky systems, and can also be dangerous to weak hearts and bank accounts.)

brown squareQualifying Score-Justifying the 170.5 you got in obedience today.

brown squareRibbons-What you want to cut the other exhibitors into, after their pet wins.

brown squareSpecialty-Whatever your dog is good at, like bringing home dead cats or chewing on walls.

brown squareType-What your dog has... if you turn down the lights and squint a little.

brown squareUtility-The kind of vehicle you need to haul around your dogs.

 

 

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